When Home Hurts: The Hidden Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

By Melanie Pignotti, LCPC, CAC Chief Executive Officer

We like to believe that “home” is a safe place--a space filled with warmth, comfort and love. But for many children, home can be confusing, frightening and unpredictable when domestic violence is part of daily life. 

Domestic violence (DV) isn’t limited to physical harm. It can include emotional, sexual, financial and psychological abuse. While it’s often viewed as an issue between adults, the impact on children is both significant and long-lasting. 

What happens when kids are caught in the middle? 

Even when children are not physically harmed, witnessing violence between caregivers is deeply traumatic. It’s a form of child maltreatment. Children may feel afraid, angry, helpless or even responsible for what is happening. They might act out aggressively, struggle in school, withdraw socially or experience anxiety, depression, PTSD or low self-esteem. 

The effects can also show up in how children develop emotionally, socially and cognitively. Over time, some may struggle to form healthy relationships, or tragically, repeat the cycle of violence in their own adult lives. 

Why does this happen? 

Harmful social norms play a powerful role. Belief systems that normalize power imbalances and control within relationships create environments where violence is tolerated or excused. Patriarchy, for example, can reinforce the idea that men should dominate within families and society, which can contribute to abuse in some contexts. 

But domestic violence is not limited by gender. People of all genders can be perpetrators or victims. And factors like gender, race, religion and class can all shape how someone experiences abuse and whether they’re able to access support. 

And let’s not forget the myths… 

• “It only happens in low-income families.” 

• “It’s only abuse if there’s hitting.” 

• “The victim must have provoked it.” 

• “It only happens once.” 

• “Victims can just leave.” 

• “Men can’t be victims.” 

• “It’s all because of alcohol or drugs.” 

  
  

These simply aren’t true. The reality is: DV can happen in any family, regardless of income, background or education level. Abuse includes much more than physical violence. Many victims stay because they’re scared, isolated or financially dependent. And while substances can escalate abuse, they are not the root cause; control is. 

So, what can we do? 

We can start by talking about it openly, honestly and without judgment. The more we understand about domestic violence, the better equipped we are to support survivors and create safer environments for children. 

Programs like CAC’s Safe From the Start, trauma-informed counseling and strong community support can make a real difference. Children are incredibly resilient, but they need safety, love and consistent care to heal and thrive. 

The truth is, everybody knows somebody affected by domestic violence whether we realize it or not. By raising awareness and challenging the harmful norms that allow abuse to continue, we can help ensure that no child must grow up in fear. 

Let’s break the cycle. For them. Because every child deserves more than just a roof over their head...they deserve a home that doesn’t hurt.